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Waste hours of valuable time! Test your knowledge of the Mother Road and other photo-ops with these inane, loopy questions! Then read the inaner* and loopier answers, tally your score and see how you rank! There are even Bonus Points! It's possible to score over 100! Here's a sample of how it works!

Q: How many beers are there in a six-pack?

A: Uh...Six?

Uh...RIGHT! You already have Six Points--and you haven't even started to play! Is this Fun!© or what?!

All answers are conveniently here on rt66pix.com so you never have to leave! Surfing through the site again is not cheating! You can go back and refresh your memory! Take a refreshing shopping break too and buy stuff! Exclusivestuffyoucan'tgetanywhereelse! I'mhyperventilating!

* A real word!

= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =

POP (CULTURE) QUIZ: Answers are below

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1) The Blue Whale of Catoosa, shown so artistically on top of this page, was created for a special occasion (choose): Deer Season; Homecoming Game; Wedding Anniversary; Bar Mitzvah; Hoedown

2) Who or what is Smiley Tar-Face, and where's that bad boy at, anyhow?

3) The car pictured along Route 66 in Afton OK with a highly distinctive fish-like front end is a:

4) And how many of these little carp-faced classics were manufactured?

5) The bathtub-inspired Nash Airflyte had wheel covers on how many tires?

6) The image "Miata Sunset," sold exclusively here, shows what three main elements?

7) Complete the title of this (also exclusive!) image: "One Nation Under God ----- Truck"

8) In the iconic, ironic (plus also nice and sharp! too) image "Constipated Boy and Portable Toilet Reflection" what's that boy wearing?

9) How many forms of notarized ID does Bubba have to submit to rt66pix.com World Headquarters to win his Free! T-shirt?

10) How many bullet holes are shown (and given crime-scene analysis) in the closest "Cold Beer" detail sign at Montoya NM?

11) Complete the following analogy, or maybe it's a synergy: "Solarizing neon is like...

12) The image containing a wooden sign reading "Splish Splash" also shows what?

13) Complete this Poetry-That-Actually-Paid-The-Rent from Route 66: "Big Mistake / Many Make...

14) Name two Route 66 attractions or businesses pictured on this site based on blue animals (hint above):

15: Half the face of a clown, or perhaps he's a balloon vendor with really bad skin, is shown in a lovely (and exclusive!) image from what Route 66 location?

16) The image "Name-Brand Gas" shows what--other than how NOT to do it?

17) Did the tail-fins on the 1959 Cadillac (shown in "The Pink Fin") really accomplish anything or did they just stick way up there?

18) The biggest enemy of neon was...

19) A cup dispenser might have inspired the wacky tail fin on this year and make of vehicle shown along Route 66:

20) The road-kill armadillo is shown happily-but-fatally chugging what brand of beer?

21) The iconic (but not ironic) sign on the Blue Swallow Motel dates from what year?

22) The image of an elderly couple dancing in a store window recalls the work of which three extremely famous photographers you never heard of?

23) The Little Juarez Diner is thankfully not in Juarez, but in...

24) What is the clearance between toilet seat and door in that spatially-challenged Motel 6?

25) What non-traditional MEATS are now being advertised for sale along Route 66 in Texas?

26) Complete the following really-really bad advice from the Cadillac Ranch: "Drive Fast, Take Chances...

27) Looming large above the VW Bug Ranch is a sign reading...

28) Just how far is Tulsa's Desert Hills Motel from a real desert anyhow?

29) The either muddy and/or dusty and sometimes it was both Jericho Gap on Route 66 in Texas wasn't paved until what year?

30) How many chins does the Fat Man of Santa Rosa NM have?

31) Dude! Like, what happened to the "Bling" sign?

32) Spray-paint at the Cadillac Ranch is now thicker than... (NOTE: Surfing back to "Painted On" is not cheating.)

33) What gasoline brand pictured on this site started with the letter Z?

34) Complete this (exclusive!) T-shirt caption that quotes an armadillo saying: "Light Beer: ___ ___ ___!"

35) Before it became Exxon Mobil, this company used a highly inappropriate name for an oil company (as shown in a 1950s pump image):

36) The "Ribbon Road" section of Route 66 in Oklahoma has another common name:

37) What FRUIT is humorously yet comically misspelled in one (exclusively-available here!) image from Texas?

38) What companion attraction might boost attendance at the Vacuum Cleaner Museum on Route 66 in Missouri?

39) The image "Rusas" shows everything in mirror-image except:

40) How many US border fences has the one-time owner of the "Northbound Shoe" illegally crossed?

41) "The American Dream" is described in one thoughtfully-available T-shirt image as having three things:

42) The earliest fins began as what shiny decorative material?

43) What sign on this site unintentionally shows that a once-major oil company is no more?

44) A gas station described as the "unluckiest" on Route 66 has this slogan over its service bay doors:

45) Add four letters to match the spelling on a homemade sign: "H---- Garage Sale"

46) What does a "Bubba Burger" contain?

47) If you were an "Extremely Rightwing" truck owner what might you do to avoid making a left-turn?

48) What is the final piece of advice on the quasi-religious sign at the off-brand burger joint?

49) Melting snow in the lovely (and exclusive!) image "Winter Memories #2" appears to have just uncovered two long-buried things:

50) An image entitled "Over-the-Top Chrome" (which is really laid on nice and thick) (the chrome, not the image) is from what year and make of car?

51) A bar sign--or maybe it's a banner, you know it's kind of hard to know you know--on this site from Illinois reads: "Welcome to...

52) A 1958 "Lipstick" Chrysler is parked outside what restaurant?

53) Miss Grundy drove a...

54) The photographer's favorite image by Henri Cartier-Bresson is titled:

55) The building being demolished in one Route 66 shot had been two really-really-REALLY different businesses:

56) The 1929 Chain of Rocks Bridge that carried Route 66 over the Mississippi River is now used as...

57) A "Who Would Jesus Bomb" bumper sticker is inexplicably on a (choose): Hummer; Yugo with a spoiler; Nash Metropolitan with flame decals; Lincoln Town Car with fuzzy dice; Zamboni.

58) Fuzzy dice are clearly shown (they're nice and sharp too!) dangling from rear-view mirrors in which years and makes of vehicles (all conveniently for sale as photographs or T-shirts!):

59) The Futuristic Finned Fantasies at the Cadillac Ranch are facing in which direction?

60) Route 66 through the near-ghost town of Glenrio NM is still how many lanes wide?

61) In the image "Chrome and Couple" a chrome deer scampers through white-hot rocket exhaust on the side of which car and does PETA know about this?

62) Route 66 was first bypassed by Turnpikes (toll roads) in which state that begins with "O" and was once a Broadway Musical?

63) The lovely and exclusive image of a seashell grille against a blue sky backdrop is from what year and make of car?

64) Original sections of Route 66 had one of these three types of pavement:

65) Pink concrete, a potential clue to the previous question, found on many Route 66 sections in Oklahoma derives its color from:

66) A thunderstorm is brewing in one (exclusive!) image of Route 66 pavement from where?

67) The Gardenway motel sign on Route 66 combining neon, painted metal, glass block, and cut stone is from what year?

68) What did the engine portholes on a 1955 Buick actually do to justify GM's expense in putting them there anyhow?

69) Packard merged with (choose): Hewlett; Nash; Studebaker; Chrysler; Piggly Wiggly

70) Explain the difference between the two eyes of the Blue Whale of Catoosa:

71) So how DID the Joads "Get Theirs" back before Golden Parachutes?

72) Complete this gas-station phrase: "Glass Must Be Full...

73) Fins clearly reached their extreme on these two makes of cars from this flamboyant year:

74) The vehicle shown (nice and sharp!) with a push-button transmission in the center of the steering wheel was:

75) What option could a buyer order to make HIS batwing 1959 Chevy really stand out from all the ordinary everyday batwing Chevies?

76) The Blue Swallow's famous sign (as shown in several exclusive images) contains which neon colors?

77) The Blue Swallow's eye is actually:

78) What does "Route 66, Interstate 0" shown on several exclusive T-shirts mean anyhow?

79) An old rusted state-line marker is pictured along Route 66 at which border?

80) In "Red Fin #1" the fin takes up approximately what percentage of the image: 33; 50; 66; 75.

81) "Tow Mater" (or just "Mater") in the Cars movies was inspired by a real truck nick-named:

82) In "Cowboy Motel, Visitor & Shadows" which has never been photographed by anybody else ever, the "visitor" is wearing...

83) The Hackberry General Store along Route 66 in Arizona has gas pumps for which brand?

84) In the "Soft Drinks, Hard Sell" gallery of exclusive images, the "usual suspects" include which three brands?

85) What animals are shown in the (lovely! exclusive!) image "Cadillac Crest on Rust?"

86) Two old support poles are all that remain of an early Route 66 suspension bridge near the city of:

87) A Stop sign in this same city (along original Route 66) also supports a sign for these two streets:

88) A Conoco station in Mickey Mantle's home town is shown with a hand-lettered sign proclaiming:

89) The now-defunct American car make pictured on this site that once had an image of the Western Hemisphere on its hood thingie, back in the 1950s when the real competition was just about to start coming in from the Eastern Hemisphere in wave-after-wave of cars and trucks from Toyota, Honda, Datsun (later Nissan), Scion, Acura, Lexus, Infiniti, Subaru, Mitsubishi, Mazda, Isuzu, Suzuki, Daihatsu (remember the "Charade?!"), Hyundai, Daewoo and Kia was:

90) What was Studebaker's bottom-of-the-line car called in the 1930s?

91) And why was that such an appropriate name?

92) The crumbling ruin of Wilkerson's gas station along Route 66 in New Mexico shows that it accepted which credit cards?

93) In the exclusive image "Blue Swallow Sign Reflections on Hood" the sign appears how many times?

94) Which sport is now played on bypassed pavement of both Route 66 AND the National Road?

95) Nebraska's valued contribution to the ungrammatical signs on this site is:

96) In one inexplicable, inexcusable (but still nice and sharp!) image on this site, a "Dude" is being checked out by (choose): a Babe; the FBI; the front desk at Motel 3; a Squirrel.

97) Complete this pithy but putrid passage: "The cattle pooping upstream! The cholera! The barfing! The vultures! The vultures barfing! The bad teeth, bad breath, bad skin, bad hygiene, bad feet, bad backs, bad hair and bad mustaches! ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___!"

98) The stupid-but-somehow-intellectually-stimulating-image of a pink-pig-with-a-demonic-grin-riding-an-inflatable-rocket-toward-the-American-flag was captured where?

99) The "Stud" truck image is (a Studebaker but that's not the question so don't jump ahead) captioned for a T-shirt as being...

100) True or False: "The Cadillac Ranch was a long-time Route 66 attraction in a simpler and slower time we enjoyed so much before the Interstates came through and ruined everything but you know around then the Greyhound buses pretty much disappeared and we didn't have to try and pass them anymore and with that extra lane you know we could actually get by the trucks sometimes and go really fast then we only had to stop when we had to hit a Petro or a Flying J or what's that other one long enough to fill one tank and empty another if you know what I mean and I'm sure you do so we could go from like Chicago to LA in two-days straight and if somebody else was driving you could sleep all day and know you wouldn't miss any scenery you know?"

ANSWERS:

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1) A Wedding Anniversary--perhaps inspiring the first use of the phrase "Honey, you shouldn't have!"

2) A smiley-face created by a worker who was supposed to be sealing cracks in the asphalt on US 75 near Henryetta OK and it looks like he missed a few doesn't it?!

3) 1958 Packard Hawk

4) Just 588 (Two points for knowing this!)

5) All four

6) 1) The side silhouette of a sports car 2) A lighted pop bottle sign 3) The setting sun reflecting off clouds

7) Chevy

8) Polka-dotted boxer shorts; a large cross on a neck chain; a clown nose; big goofy lips. (Up to four points since there are four answers!)

9) 38 (Or is it 83?)

10) Four (although many others are visible in wider shots).

11) "Deep-frying a Twinkie!"

12) A three-wheeled motorcycle with a hot-tub over its rear axle, and a crowd of onlookers.

13) Rely On Horn / Instead of / Brake / Burma Shave. (There are four signs! So you can get up to four points!)

14) Blue Swallow Motel, Blue Whale of Catoosa

15) The Santa Monica Pier on the Pacific Ocean in California

16) A name (Vic Suhling) on an elaborate triangular sign that once had neon and hundreds of lightbulbs. (Two points for also remembering the name!)

17) Yes, they each held two tail-lights in a rocket-nozzle configuration. And they sold cars. (The one in "The Pink Fin" also blasted intruders.) (Three points for all three correct answers!)

18) Hailstorms. The stones would break the glass tubing.

19) 1962 Imperial

20) Coors Light

21) 1960 (The motel, opened in 1939, originally had a much smaller sign.)

22) Alfred Eisenstaedt, Gene Meatyard, Walker Evans. (Three points for getting them all, and an extra point for spelling Eisenstaedt correctly!) (Add another extra point if you somehow knew that Gene Meatyard's real first name was Ralph because that's not anywhere on the site.) (Except here.)

23) Glenrio TX on Route 66

24) About the thickness of a postcard.

25) Goat and camel.

26) "Pass on Curves"

27) "Motel, Cafe"

28) At least a very long Interstate day; probably two typical days on Route 66.

29) 1938 (The dirty-dusty-muddy-and-sometimes-all-three route remained, but was bypassed nearby by pavement.)

30) Three

31) Like, letter "G" is loose and dangling. And don't call me Dude!

32) Either of two correct answers: A) The metal on the Cadillacs B) The denim on the artist's shorts.

33) Zephyr (shown on a rusted billboard on Route 66 near St. Louis).

34) Great With Ants!

35) Humble (There were other names as well, Enco and Esso were the best known.)

36) The Sidewalk Highway

37) Walamelon

38) A Dust Bunny Petting Zoo

39) The wallpaper at bottom, plus horizontal and vertical strips of varnished wood.

40) Two

41) Fins, Fuel, Fried Food

42) Chrome accents over tail-lights (even before the 1948 Cadillac's fin in sheet metal).

43) EX CO, formerly TEXACO, taken over by Chevron.

44) "Happy Motoring!"

45) U-D-G-E. "Hudge"--like, really big.

46) Double Meat AND Double Cheese (NOTE: Competitors Walmart and Ralph Lauren do not have this T-shirt!)

47) Make three right turns instead.

48) "Don't Worry!"

49) A mini-van and a telephone pole.

50) 1955 Ford (Crown Victoria)

51) Coal Days

52) The Happy Burger on Route 66 in Sapulpa OK

53) Black 1950 Plymouth (offered exclusively through this site!)

54) Untitled, 1956

55) Originally a Texaco gas station, and later a beauty parlor.

56) A hike-and-bike trail, closed to traffic.

57) 1957 Nash Metropolitan with flame decals.

58) 1955 Ford, 1956 and 1957 T-birds, 1958 Edsel, 1959 Chevrolet. (Up to five points for all!)

59) Technically West. But in the spirit of this section, South would also be correct.

60) Four lanes with a center divider.

61) A 1960 red-and-white Chevy Impala. PETA must figure this is faster than letting it play in traffic.

62) Oklahoma

63) A 1954 Kaiser Darrin (And did we mention it's only available here?) (Oh, we did.)

64) Asphalt, brick, or concrete.

65) Local reddish stone used in its construction (plus a surface coating of the same from mud etc.)

66) The Cuervo Cutoff, New Mexico.

67) 1951

68) Nothing: they weren't actual holes--just chrome decoration. And in the final analysis, it wasn't GM who ended up making monthly payments for them, was it?

69) Studebaker

70) The east-facing eye is wide-open, the west (or sunset) side is heavy-lidded and appears sleepy.

71) They took Route 66 from Oklahoma to California to start a new life.

72) "Before and After Delivery."

73) Chevrolet (batwing) and Cadillac (towering rocket nozzles) in 1959. (Up to three points!)

74) An Edsel from 1958. (Up to two points!)

75) A "Continental Kit" with rear bumper extension, spare tire cover, and even more chrome so you couldn't possibly miss it.

76) Blue, Pink, Green, Yellow and Red.

77) A single pink lightbulb.

78) It's the score of a blowout contest. The Interstate has no scenery and can't compete with Route 66.

79) New Mexico-Texas.

80) Around 75%

81) Tow Tater

82) A low-cut and very short dress, plus platform shoes. She is carrying, not technically wearing, a large over-the-shoulder bag.

83) Mobil (for decoration only, no gas is sold).

84) Coke, Pepsi and Whistle.

85) Six ducks on the crest (Go figure!)

86) Bridgeport OK

87) Main and Broadway

88) Gas War

89) Oldsmobile (In the question, five punctuation thingies in a row correctly appear ((at least I think so)) after Daihatsu's car that translates from English into American as "Posturing Doofus." ((It's something else in Japanese, probably "Doofus that Postures" (((except said in Japanese.))) )) But here's the problem--if I actually quote the model name of the car from that actual passage again, along with the actual punctuation--((and I have to do that even if it is my own actual words I'm using)) ((which actually feels kind of good!)) ((in fact I may do that more often!))! since the punctuation ((not the actual name of the actual car which is not actually relevant)) is what this here is all about so how can I leave it ((them?)) ((all y'all?)) out?--isn't the lawful punctuation at the end of this here sentence actually this here?:

""Charade?!","?!)

(Okay, AND THEN what if this here was ((were?)) to get quoted again--say in the cover story of "Popular Punctuation." I mean you started out with a whole bunch, and where does that end? Wouldn't the author by law have to include even more punctuation stuff ((whatever it's called and I'm pretty sure it isn't "thingies")) around it to show where what it is he ((or she)) is talking about begins and ends? Because it would be my quote he's ((or she's)) quoting--my "intellectual property" ((MAN--that feels good just to TYPE it!))--not his ((or hers))! It's kind of like quoting Coke's old slogan "Coke is It!" and putting quotation marks around it to show that (1) it makes no sense at all, and (2) you're an important-socially-aware-mature-adult-human-being and (3) you know it's really just fizzy-water-with-flavoring-and-stuff and (4) even if it had some nutritional value other than the sugar, (4a) ((like maybe if it was (((were?))) milk)), it would still make no sense and (5) because it isn't ((milk)) you don't believe it for a moment and (6) it's not mine ((but I wish it was (((were?))) because then I would take "Fun!©" which I put in thingies even though I own it, (((MAN THAT REALLY FEELS GOOD!))) I'd leverage "Fun!©" to the hilt, then hire Goldman Sachs or channel the ghost of Colonel Sanders or something and franchise that sucker to death))! ((I mean the Colonel (((who wasn't really a real colonel))) was only peddling dead chickens--and I own the rights to "FUN!©".)) Or how about the slogan "Kills Bugs Dead" which is "Intellectual Property," a Trademark, dumb, stupid, redundant, and a grammatical error too--the real bad kind. But at least it's over with in three words, and nobody's singing it in a jingle that gets stuck in your head and keeps coming up weeks later ((like when you're trying to pretend you're listening to somebody)). What's a whole lot worser is that song where one of the lyrics is ((are?)): "The heat was hot." They slogged through that death march for 4-minutes and 8-awful seconds. I mean that's technically "Intellectual Property" ((although I wouldn't admit I wrote it but I'd sure cash the checks)) and Coke, Raid bug spray and the song made it to #1 with that kind of stuff! ((Although Coke was already there but the nonsense slogan wasn't enough to drag them down.)) And "The Horse with No Name" ((that's the name of that awful song so it has to have thingies too)) dragged on and on and on and on ((etc.)) through quicksand and cattle pooping upstream and "puke and barf and cholera and things" and you counted down every second until the "More MEW-sick" jingle finally came on. ((I mean somewhere in the world right at this very nanosecond, somebody is probably singing "The Horse With No Name" in a Karaoke bar (((perhaps even in Japanese!))) and think how lucky it is you aren't one of the LOSERS in there having to suffer through "The heat was hot" sung by some-posturing-doofus-with-zero-talent-even-when-sober-but-who-is-now-so-polluted-he-can't-even-remember-how-many-beers-there-are-in-a-six-pack, (((six))) (((DUH!))) and instead you're among The-Lucky-Ones-reading-the-answer-to-trivia-question-89!)) ((I mean Ray Charles could have sung the phone book of a small town and you'd listen because it would be at least PRETTY good (((even if half the people were named "Arbuthnot" or "Thistlethwaite" or even "Lifshitz" ((((and those names probably need thingies too, so I did)))) )))--but there's a reason he never tried to cover "The Horse With No Name" even though it went to #1.)) And what about that line "The Immortal" Bob Dylan created ((apparently before his talent-transplant)): "The pump don't work cause the vandals took the handles." (("Oh wow man, far out, hey smoke this!" would have been even more creative.)) And it would have explained a lot about the 60s too, including bell-bottoms. ((Plus Dylan sang through his nose (((and who needs to hear that? ((((even if was only on AM radio)))) ))) )). The real talent was Dylan's PR guy--he had enough for both of them! ((Oh, wait--were bell-bottoms in the 60s, or was that skinny ties? I forgot.)) And then there was that song by Major Lance (who probably wasn't really a real major) with 144 "Um, Um, Um, Um, Um, Um's" that went to #5! And what about that Creedence song about mooning somebody ((it's got a good beat but it's kind of hard to understand)). The only line you can make out clearly is: "There's a bathroom on the right." And they got paid for that too--once for writing, and again for singing! ((Plus there was that guy who punched in and was on the clock and who was SUPPOSED to be hard at work writing a song. And what did he come up with?: "Second verse, same as the first." AND THAT'S INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY TOO, AND HE STILL GOT PAID!)) That guy was a talent-free genius! ((And possibly the luckiest guy who ever lived. (((It was either him or the guy who married 22-year-old Britney Spears for 55-hours. That's long enough to play "The Horse With No Name" continuously 798 times without doing ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL during their marriage, which makes it seem like it lasted FOREVER! ((((Yes, I did the math! (((((That's just hypothetical--I'm not claiming that's what they actually DID do during their marriage--I really don't know. ((((((You'd have to guess that whatever it was they did do, 55-hours with young Britney was a whole lot more enjoyable than that! (((((((Even if they did break up afterward. ((((((((So it must not have been all THAT good!)))))))) ))))))) )))))) ))))) )))) ))) )) ((But I digress.)) And what about "Louie Louie"--did that even HAVE lyrics? But if it really did you'd have to put thingies around them too to show you weren't claiming them as YOUR "Intellectual Property" and that they belonged to somebody else who might not have any talent ((except for screaming and mumbling at the same time)), just three chords, a six-pack and good luck. And what about "Doo-bee-doo-bee-DO" that made millions for Frank Sinatra!? Those weren't HIS words, those weren't ANYBODY'S words--BECAUSE THEY WEREN'T WORDS! And the same well-paid-but-very-word-challenged-crowd gave us such classics as: "Wop Bop A Loo Bop A Lop Bam Boom!" "DOO-Wa-Ditty-Ditty-DUM-Ditty-Doo" "Ooga Chucka Ooga Ooga Ooga Chucka" and the immortal "Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo-Wo-WO." And then they REPEATED them! ((It's actually even worser (((on that last one, anyhow))) because I may have left out a couple of "Wo's" or "Woes" (((--or is it "Wo'ses"?))) )). And then it gets even more worser! There was that song-rant from "Hair" with lyrics like this ((these?)) here: "Glibby Glub Gloopy Nibby Nabby Noopy La La La Lo Lo, Sabby Sibby Sabba Nooby Abba Nabba Le Le Lo Lo, Tooby Alla Walla Nooby Abba Nabba." And then some of that stuff got repeated all over again with real words mixed in and went to Number Three on the charts. And years later I've still got to put " and " around the "Intellectual Property" of whoever it was created these masterpieces whenever I quote them! And what about the ol' "Ding-donger of doom" William Faulkner, who even won the Noble Peace Prize for Literature or something ((and so did Dylan)) ((and that reminds me: WHERE'S MINE FOR WRITING THIS HERE WITHOUT EVEN AN EDITOR OR RESEARCH STAFF? (((MUCH LESS A GUITAR!!))) )), I mean he ((Faulkner)) wrote a sentence--A SENTENCE--A SENTENCE--A SENTENCE--in Intruder in the Dust that begins on page 211 and ends up on page 218. And 2 1/2 pages of that is ((are?)) completely in italics and don't forget to study for your vision test because you'll be seeing the eye doctor first thing tomorrow morning! That sentence-that-should-have-been-a-chapter is intellectual property too ((even if Ol' Bill was probably blind drunk (((and not from reading his own italics))) at the time)) and I'd have to put thingies stuff around it (them?), even if it (they?) makes about as much sense as "Louie Louie" without any italics. And much of Faulkner's writing sinks into a stream-of-booze style inspired by Jim Beam, Jack Daniels and the illiterate Old Grand-Dad and it's no better than this here, ((and the punctuation is a lot worser)) except that you have to stop and look up a whole bunch of words nobody ever uses ((especially in Mississippi (((and double-especially in italics))) )) like "fecund," "ammoniac" and "unvanquished." They all have to get thingies put around them too ((plus they manage to suck in the comma and period next-door!)), and so I done did it again, even if Ol' Bill's words sound like they ought to be a Pascagoula law firm: Fecund, Ammoniac, Unvanquished & Lifshitz--"Where even your 10th DUI is still just $999." So as I was saying it seems to me he ((she)) would be up to the following:

"""Charade?!)","?!)")

(Okay, that's just in the first article--but this problem is just getting started! What if "Popular Punctuation" then started receiving a bunch of scholarly letters about this here, and the writers started arguing about the whole thing ((because you just know it's confusing (((even to them))) and they're all trying to get published and get themselves quoted by others, and get tenure (((as the William Faulkner Professor of Punctuation?))), (((I just did it again--five punctuation thingies in a row!))) or maybe they just argue about one part like the question mark ((("Near the middle of the end ((((between the quotation mark and exclamation point!")))) ))), ((("No not THAT one, the OTHER one!"))) and they start having to quote each other AND me (man that feels GOOD!) AND "Popular Punctuation" which already gets quotation marks put around it whether it wants to or not? And what if somebody makes a mistake in quoting somebody else and has to change just one part ((but not all)) of their scholarly opinion? I mean, what happens then? There's no end to it!) (My head hurts.) >: (

(Six extra points if you knew, all along, there are 6 beers in a 6-pack.)

90) Dictator Coupe

91) It had no back seat, possibly because dictators have to watch their backs. (There was a cargo area.)

92) BankAmericard (now Visa) and Master Charge (now MasterCard).

93) Three

94) Basketball (two images show nets installed next to old pavement).

95) "We Got Worms"

96) A squirrel

97) And the MEN were even uglier! (A Google search across the entire sweep of human history, and throughout the known universe, confirms the pithy but putrid passage only appears here.)

98) At a fireworks stand. (Two points if you remember the location: Jasper TX.)

99) Ruggedly Dependable, Dependably Rugged.

100) False: The Cadillac Ranch was never on Route 66: it dates from the 1970s. What was the rest of your question?

SCORE YOURSELF:

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100 OR BETTER: Supreme #1 Grand-Prize First-Place "La Numbero Uno" Lucky Winner

90-99: Road Warrior

80-89: Roadie

70-79: Sightseer

60-69: Fellow Traveler

50-59: Relief Driver

40-49: Drowsy Passenger

30-39: Lost Without a GPS

20-29: Lost With a GPS

10-19: Interstate User

0-9: Luggage

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BRAIN FREEZER-UPPERS:

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These are even better--because you can waste unlimited amounts of time! These questions don't use facts, just feelings and other mushy liberal arts stuff, so they can cause long periods of contemplation without ever producing a definitive answer! They're perfect for driving Interstate 10 across Texas--all 880 miles worth--with only AM radio blowhards for entertainment. Or waiting on your dial-up connection that's choking on a (nice and sharp!) 24 MB image.

1) What's right...or wrong...with "Mt. Rushmore Coke Machine" and why?

2) Are you inspired or offended by any image(s) in the "USA! USA!" gallery? Which one(s) and why?

3) What's right...or wrong...with "Jesus in Red, White and Blue" and why?

4) Are you inspired or offended by any image(s) in the "Gimme that Roadside Religion" gallery? Which one(s) and why?

5) Legendary photographers Henri Cartier-Bresson and Robert Frank might well have taken the image at the top of this page. (Yes, really!) A Blog entry notes three other major photographers as significant influences. What subject matter or photographic techniques shown on this site might they have inspired? What images might they have taken?

6) Why is the balloon vendor/clown on the Santa Monica Pier shown with half his face cropped? (Hint: It's intentional, not bad framing.)

7) In "Hog Wild Fireworks" what rabidly pro- and anti-American meanings could be read in by viewers?

8) What might be going on between the two people in "Chrome and Couple" and how might this relate to the chrome below?

9) Which image on this site is: A) Best; B) Worst; C) Oddest; D) Most Creative; E) Most Baffling?

10) Which piece of flea-market art is worse: "The Clown Nobody Wanted"...or "Constipated Boy and Portable Toilet Reflection" as the painter made it (without the added reflections)?

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INTERSTATE HIGHWAY FUN: If you can't travel Route 66, this will have to do

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1) An 18-wheel turnip truck pulls into the fast lane on a 70 MPH Interstate highway and attempts to pass a refrigerated semi hauling bananas that are still green. The banana truck is going 69.513 miles an hour, while the fully-loaded turnip truck can only manage 69.514 miles an hour. True or false: It will take at least three counties for the turnip truck to safely pass, allowing the five-mile long string of cars behind it to again travel above the posted speed.

2) Which type of Interstate pavement is the worst--and why?

A: Asphalt

B: Concrete

C: Miserable-Cheap-Stone-Chip-Stuff-That-They-Just-Sprinkle-On-Tar-Like-It's-Powdered-Sugar-On-A-Jelly-Donut-And-Then-It-Starts-Flying-Off-Into-Your-Windshield-Minutes-Later-When-The-First-Truck-Goes-Over-It-And-It's-Noisy-As-All-Get-Out-Too!

3) You have been carjacked by a maniac redneck with bad teeth and, more significantly, a gun. He orders you to chauffeur him all the way across Texas on I-10 (did I mention it's 880 miles?) (yeah, guess I did) while he spits tobacco, picks his nose and grins. The carjacker, still picking and grinning, tunes the radio to a station playing both types of music: Country and Western. Of these real song titles or lyrics you are forced to hear at gunpoint--which is the baddest? Explain and justify your answer real good.

. "I'd love to spit some Beech-Nut (chewing tobacco) in that dude's eye, and shoot him with my old .45." (Hank Williams Jr.)

. "If you don't love it, leave it: let this song I'm singing be a warning." (Merle Haggard)

. "Me an' Earl was haulin' chickens." (C.W. McCall)

. "Bubba shot the jukebox." (Mark Chesnutt)

. "Rednecks, white socks and Blue Ribbon beer." (Johnny Russell)

. "I had one clean sock, but a man needs two." (John Anderson)

. "I want you to love me like my dog does." (Billy Currington)

. "Funny Face, I love you." (Donna Fargo)

. "She ain't nothin' but white trash." (Bellamy Brothers)

. "She thinks my tractor's sexy." (Kenny Chesney)

. "I'd like to check you for ticks." (Brad Paisley)

. "Well I was drunk the day my mom got out of prison." (David Allan Coe)

. "My mind ain't nothin' but a total blank, I think I'll just stay here and drink." (Merle Haggard)

. "I'm going to hire a wino to decorate our home." (David Frizzell)

. "I gotta get drunk and I sure do dread it." (George Jones and Willie Nelson)

. "I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal lobotomy." (Randy Hanzlick M.D.)

. "Me and that sweet woman's got a license to fight." (Hank Williams Jr.)

. "You're the reason our kids are ugly." (Conway Twitty and Loretta Lynn)

. "I've been flushed from the bathroom of your heart." (Johnny Cash*)

. "I'm the only hell my momma ever raised." (Johnny Paycheck*)

* Not to be confused with each other, or with yet another old-time country singer named Johnny Dollar.

4) How come they go to all that trouble to drive a big ol' truck way out yonder in the middle of nowhere just so they can dig a hole and then put up a post and either find or have somebody paint or whatever it is they have to do to get a highway sign made that says "Guard Rail Damage Ahead" and then climb on a ladder and bolt it to the post they stuck in that new hole they dug...when they could just fix the guard rail? And they've still got to do that after all the hole-digging and post-stuffing and sign-painting is over with! It's not like they've accomplished anything, is it? That guard rail is still all gnarly and anybody who can see well enough to drive can pretty-well figure out it's been damaged. I mean what good is the sign? It doesn't tell you anything you can't figure out for yourself. Is the mangled guard rail supposed to be a scenic attraction or something? This is an Interstate, after all. Who's going to try to run off the road and hit whatever it is you're not supposed to hit or run down an embankment because there's no guard rail? Or because there's no sign saying there's no guard rail? Duh!?

5) Complete this sentence: "Well, it could be worse than this, we could be on..."

A: "I-10 driving either way across Texas because it's 880 miles with a desert at one end and a swamp at the other."

B: "I-70 driving west across Kansas, 427 miles of flat--except that it's not--it's actually uphill the entire time with the wind against us, even though the trucks still pull out to pass."

C: I-44 going through eastern Oklahoma, because we have to pay tolls and even though Route 66 is nearby, scenic, and free--we've got reservations tonight in Chicago. At Motel 6."

6) What are those fences on the edge of the Interstate good for anyhow (except maybe for the fence company) since they obviously don't stop Bambi?

7) Time constraints force you to eat nothing but typical Interstate fast-food and snacks. You leave Chicago driving straight-through to Tulsa, nearly 700 miles (1100 Celsius), and you consume the following:

Breakfast (Chicago): McDonald's Big Breakfast (scrambled eggs, sausage, biscuit, fried potatoes, hotcakes, butter, syrup), Coffee with milk, sugar

Snack (Springfield IL): Red Bull energy drink and Little Debbie Iced Honey Bun

Lunch (St. Louis): Burger King Double Whopper with Cheese, Large Fries, Medium Coke, Moon Pie

Snack (Lebanon MO): Dr Pepper and package of Twinkies

Dinner (Miami OK): Mountain Dew and KFC Double-Down (two fried chicken fillets, sauce, two melted cheeses, bacon), package of Ding-Dongs

Bedtime Snack (Tulsa): 16-oz Budweiser, Little Debbie Zebra Cake, stale Corn Chips from the vending machine, two aspirin, an entire roll of Tums

A recommended diet includes 2000-2400 calories a day. How many did you consume?

8) The 1957 Chevy is a symbol of America at the top of its game in the Route 66 era. Which features on your present car would you miss if you actually drove a typically-equipped 57 Chevy on a long trip?

9) You blow past a balding burned-out hippie doing 55 MPH in an ancient VW Bug with a peace-symbol bumper sticker. He bought the car new, back when he had hair. Lots of hair. I mean it was long and it was everywhere. Golden flaxen waxen. After his semi-annual shampoo he looked like a Hippie Chia Pet. Unfortunately now it's only growing out of his ears and nose. But I digress. What optional factory equipment might he have added?

10) Create story-lines for a new TV series to be called "Interstate 66" modeled after "Route 66" of half-a-century ago. You'll have to be really creative, because I-66 only goes 70 miles from Washington DC to unimportant distant suburbs. Here's a sample:

"In their shiny new Corvette, Tod and Buz creep along in three-abreast traffic of I-66 averaging 5 MPH and 5 MPG. They wonder why cars are stacked up out in the middle of nowhere, and what these folks do all day--commuting to a city that doesn't actually make anything. Meantime, folks around them wonder what Tod and Buz do all day to afford a snazzy new Vette. And why a well-groomed young guy driving a sharp car has another well-groomed young guy sitting beside him--instead of a pretty girl."

ANSWERS:

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1) False. Bananas should not be refrigerated!

2) C is the worst. But where there's no maintenance, like a lot of places, the correct answer is B.

3) While there are many, many runner-ups on this play-list, Conway and Loretta's "You're the reason our kids are ugly" mashes all the buttons real good, and comes in a solid #1. If it didn't get a bullet on the charts it certainly deserved one in real life. The song is rarely played anymore, and that's a very good thing. It's by far the worst of the bunch--just plain wrong on so many levels. It's sexist and ageist...and it objectifies and demeans men, women and children. That's just about everybody! There's better material in the phone book under "Lifshitz."

4) Of course it does no good--but it creates a positive impression of the Highway Department and the illusion of progress. Thank you for expressing your concerns. Sincerely yours.

5) Either A or C. It depends on the weather and your motel reservations in Texas. Don't forget: that's where Motel 3 is.

6) Better contemplate that sentence real good and see if there might be a clue in there somewhere.

7) Way over 5000 calories! That's enough to let you continue driving for 1 1/2 more days, from Tulsa to past Flagstaff AZ, before you need to eat anything else. And you won't need any more saturated fat until you hit LA. Plus there's probably enough caffeine in those drinks (except for the Bud) to keep you going at least till the next morning. Think of the savings on motels! So despite what nutritionists and intellectuals in the Eastern Liberal Fake News Media Establishment say--Interstate food is a great deal--and this is the proof. It's tasty and economical too. Elvis ate it!

8) (Some of these existed back then as options, but were rarely ordered): Air conditioning, automatic transmission, AM-FM-Whatever sound system with multiple speakers, radial tires, antilock brakes, seat and shoulder belts, bucket seats, headrests, center console/armrest, cruise control, cup holders, power steering, power brakes, power windows, power seats, tinted glass, padded dash, side-view mirrors.

9) An AM radio. There were literally no other factory options.

10) There are many possible exciting episodes:

"Tod and Buz get stuck behind a turnip truck."

"Tod and Buz are checked out by a squirrel."

"Tod and Buz are carjacked by a maniac redneck with bad teeth."

"Tod and Buz check out the artwork at an outdoor flea market."

"Tod and Buz get buzzed on Cokes and assorted Little Debbie products."

"Tod and Buz turn on the radio...only to hear a Conway and Loretta duet."

"Tod and Buz drive I-10 across Texas desperately searching for scenery (several episodes here!)."

"Tod and Buz try to get a room at Motel 3 but the clerk is suspicious."

"Tod and Buz blow through a Work Zone where only a State Trooper is working."

"Tod and Buz hit Bambi."

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INTERSTATE HIGHWAY FUN (JUST FOR KIDS)!

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1) One of you silently counts the number of gas stations that are still operating. The other silently counts the number of gas stations that are closed and abandoned. At the end of the trip--you compare notes and then YOU BOTH WIN!

2) Silently keep track of how many bumps, potholes and other things Daddy ran over that he probably should have swerved to avoid. WOW!

3) One of you silently counts the number of McDonald's you pass. The other silently looks for Subway locations. Is this fun--OR WHAT?

4) Which type of Interstate pavement makes the loudest and coolest sounds? Silently note your findings and we'll talk about them later when Daddy isn't so frazzled.

5) Figure out what percentage of construction-zone workers are:

A: Actually working!

B: Sitting in equipment that isn't doing anything

C: Standing around

D: Leaning on something

E: Talking to each other

F: Smoking

G: Scratching themselves

H: Spitting

I: Picking their noses

J: Grinning

K: Picking and Grinning

L: Scratching, spitting, picking and grinning

M: Smoking, scratching, spitting, picking and grinning

N: Leaning, talking, smoking, scratching, spitting, picking and grinning

O: Standing around, leaning, talking, smoking, scratching, spitting, picking and grinning

P: Laughing at drivers who swerve to avoid bad pavement

Q: Putting up signs that say "Guard Rail Damage Ahead"

R: Taking down signs that say "Guard Rail Damage Ahead"

S: Decoys for what is really a low-speed and big-bucks radar trap

T: Standing around, leaning, talking, smoking, scratching, spitting, picking and grinning, and laughing at drivers pulled over for what is really a low-speed and big-bucks radar trap.

U: Other

Keep your observations to yourself, and we'll let you compare notes after the trip is over.

THEN EVERYBODY WINS A SECRET LUCKY PRIZE!