We did it America! Now it's payback time!

Dust, deprivation and savages once filled a savage landscape that (now that the Indians are gone) we call Indiana.

Our Guts and Gusto conquered this land! We didn't have GPS, or even a decent map. So mile after mile we wandered in sensible but ugly pioneer clothes.

The cattle pooping upstream! The cholera! The barfing! The vultures! The vultures barfing! The bad teeth, bad breath, bad skin, bad hygiene, bad feet, bad backs, bad hair and bad mustaches! And the MEN were even uglier!

But We Did It America! We grabbed this land fair and square! We seized Manifest Destiny by the throat and we groined it. We made America safe from one teeming shore to another...for us and our descendents. And for our corporate-brewed ice-cold Light Beer.

Now it's payback time America! We deserve all the pasteurized Guts and Gusto recycled aluminum is able to hold. So go ahead America! Pop open an okay-but-watery Light Beer and savor the taste our ancestors would have died for...and nearly did.